The Legends of Krys
The Legend of Krys (known as Krys of War: Shadow of the Skitterbug in America) is Drawfee's worst JRPG ever. It began its creation in Bad JRPG Characters, which was suggested by JangoUnchained, and has since grown into a recurring series. While the full plot is yet unknown except for loosely connected tidbits thrown here and there, several details have been revealed including: characters, classes, and vehicles. The game has been said to come up exclusively on the Sega Genesis, but apparently it's also on PC and PlayStation Vita (so they could lie about ever releasing it); the guys have no clue at this point. It's the first game to ever be released on 5K; however, it only uses 16 bit graphics. Characters Party Members * [[Krys|'Krys']]:' Krys is the titular, spunky hero. He has tall, blonde hair, asymmetrical pants, and a large sword with two handles. Though everything in the world is indicating that Krys should not be adventuring, he continues to do so anyway. Along the way, Krys can take on several new classes, including Slizzard/Drunkomancer, Philosophy Student, Exhibitionist, and Bees Master-- all of which are equally useless. In fact, his only useful class, the Pie Thief, is unlocked after multiple playthroughs of the game, and is considered to be impossible to unlock (due to the fact that someone would have to sit through this game more than once). * [[Lord Covington|'Lord Covington]]:''' also known as 'Fly Butler'. Krys's butler, a sentient fly person, who is literally just the fucking worst. He enables Krys's terrible wannabe hero behavior. It is revealed halfway through the game that he is secretly |this section has been removed due to major plot spoilers|. * '''Proporzha Punchman: Krys's childhood friend and possible love interest. She is very tsundere, but has no other personality traits. She also makes a lot of dated political commentary. She wields a massive stone fist, which is essentially a Hulk hand made of stone, complete with sound effects every time she punches someone. Additionally, she also has the most common superpower-- massive breasts. Her hair is tied back into two large side ponytails, and is colored pink. She is totally not Tifa Lockhart. * Gunthia Radde: A large, burly woman with a green mohawk. She was raised by alligators in the unnamed swamp level. She is a veteran of the Great Alligator War-- in which she was the only participant, and the alligators didn't know was going on. She wields a single airsoft pistol, and has two guns taped to her left arm. The bottom of her left leg is a sandwich, and the bottom of her right leg is a can of cream of mushroom soup-- it is unclear whether these are actually her legs, or if her legs are just stuck in the can and the sandwich. Additionally, she wears an eyepatch, though the game lacks any sort of continuity and the eyepatch is often over a different eye. She is rad as hell. Also, she is known for saying "muchachos" often, and is terribly allergic to bees. * Tigerman: Tigerman is the last of his people. He is very well dressed, and wields a suitcase that his brother's soul is fused to. He was created in the stream "Drink N' Drawfee: Super Sorry Edition 2K16", and is the only character in the series created by Caldwell. Not much else is known about him, and he is probably an optional character. * Puff-Puff: Puff-Puff was a man in a bear suit that Krys met at an anime convention. Krys mistook him for an actual animal and brought Puff-Puff along with his party, hoping to return him to his (nonexistent) den. Puff-Puff walks on all fours, and speak fluents Japanese in a very deep voice-- Nobody else speaks Japanese in the game. Throughout the whole game, more and more missing posters of his face start appearing around the world, and Puff-Puff keeps pointing them out, even if Krys never notices. Usually, Puff-Puff wants to escape and return to his hotel suite, but Krys refuses to let him go. His real name is unknown. * Bunbie: '''Bunbie is a rabbit-like companion with a horn-like diadem shoved into his head who communicates telepathically with the party. He has a gruff telepathic voice, and when he speaks often hints at his dark, horrifying past. He has splotches on his fur that constantly change from day to day, and it is unknown if the splotches are natural or some sort of stain. When the party goes to sleep, in the morning items may be missing from your inventory after Bunbie joins. However, sometimes new, mysterious items will replace them. Additionally, since Bunbie is telepathic, he can understand Puff-Puff's pleas for help, but chooses to ignore them. Despite Bunbie being an obvious serial killer, Krys is either completely oblivious to his murderous ways, or remains willfully ignorant to it. It's probable that he is the host of some terrible psychic energy, and its also likely that he is the true TRUE antagonist. However, Krys can choose to ignore his evil threats after Skitterbug is defeated, thus allowing Bunbie to win. He spends the entire game slowly, imperceptibly growing, until he is towering over the party at the end of the game * '''Real Bird™: '''Real Bird™''' is a craftable companion. It is a drone with a false bird's head attached to the top. The head is quite cool, and has the hair and sunglasses to prove it. The game's model for Real Bird'™' is a static jpeg, and the mouse pointer that moves it is clearly still visible. Allegedly, Real Bird'™' gains sentience some time in the story, and it is quite a touching moment. There is a chance Real Bird'™' will heroically sacrifice himself, despite the party not being in any danger. Antagonists Assorted Enemies include the low level enemy Extinction, the mid game Reverse Harpies, and the late game final boss Skitterbug (watch out, it knows Meteor). Skitterbug's final form is the new god Skitterking, which is the same but bigger. * Lucieniosaurus: Lucieniosaurus is Krys's adopted brother and serves as the major antagonist of the series. Somehow, despite his name and lack of any attempts made at actually trying to hide it, he managed to keep his evil nature and dinosaur heritage a secret for years. Moody and sullen, he wields a magical green flame, and a slender katana that is so long it loops back to the other end of the screen (for example, if the sword is pointing down, the tip will reappear on the screen's top edge). Additionally, he has a final form that resembles a Tyrannosaurus Rex, with Pterodactyl wings, long anime hair, and a Triceratops frill around his neck. In this form, he also wears several belts, and smokes a cigarette. He has a gang of semi-competent henchmen, known as the Roughhouse Pals. *SPOILERS* When it becomes apparent that he can no longer contain Skitterbug’s power, Lucieniosaurus defects to join Krys’ party, seeing the error of his ways. But by then, it could be too late... * 7UNT!M35: Pronounced "FunTimes," this legendary monster is so horrendous, so terrible, that its very image is cursed. Appearing in the same stream that birthed Tigerman, 7UNT!M35' drawing caused a swathe of technical problems after it was created. One such instance was causing the Drawfee Crew's tablet to temporarily broadcast a view of the void, much to Pucconici's delight. While this entity's purpose is unknown to the story, it is likely an optional superboss. * Big Beefo: Big Beefo is a henchman of Lucieniosaurus, a member of the Roughhouse Pals, and portrays the honorable warrior archetype. He is a large man covered in armor. His armor has several holes drilled into it to accommodate his natural spikes, which protrude from his shoulders, knees, elbows, and nipples, to name a few places. Additionally, he has a poop flap which automatically opens every five minutes, whether he has to poop or not. He attacks using various forms of hugs, which are damaging since he is covered in spikes. But his true weakness is his giant red, pulsating, kissable lips. If one smooches him, he will be defeated and decompose into dust-- but not before giving a long-winded monologue. However, since his armor explicitly asks you not to kiss him, using his weakness against him unlocks the bad ending. He is voiced by ProZD-- using several cannibalized sound bites of him talking * xXShadowXx133t_420: 'xXShadowXLite_420 is a henchman of Lucieniosaurus, a member of the Roughhouse Pals, and portrays the mysterious ninja/spymaster archetype. He was a 14-year old Xbox Live gamer who was pulled into the game through some sort of monkey's paw scenario with a gamer genie. He wanted to be in a JRPG, but didn't specify that it had to be a good one. As such, he was apparently still allowed to dress himself, and went overboard with the 'cool' and 'edgy' accessories. For example, he wears a Naruto headband with a pot leaf logo, on top of his balaclava, along with a scarf, and a hooded trench coat. He also sports one Saiyan pauldron, and creates smoke clouds using his vape. His primary weapon is a Slipknot wallet on a chain, complete with a Keyblade key chain. His secondary weapon is a flame-patterned fedora on his hip he presumably throws like Oddjob from Goldfinger. In his very wet mouth, he clutches a singular kunai between his teeth which also acts as a voice modulator. The modulator makes his voice deep and mysterious, but constantly malfunctions, revealing the nasally, nonintimidating voice beneath. At one point, he attempts to usurp Lucieniosaurus, but is way over his head and is swiftly defeated and embarassed. He also maintains the opinion that Final Fantasy VII is the best game in the series (literally wearing his opinion on his sleeve), and constantly challenges others to debate him on the topic. However, nobody ever does, since he's the only person who understands the concept of debating. It's worth noting that his name is constantly changing, and has been known to include words such as "Sephiroth", "Dark", and much more X's. He is also voiced using a Frankensteined voice collection of ProZD. * '''Riboflavia: '''Riboflavia is a young girl who is also a henchman of Lucieniosuarus and member of the Roughhouse Pals. Classically, she is the most powerful of the henchmen, as shown by her moistness. She wields a spoongun-- exactly what it sounds like, and sits in a hovering bowl of cereal like a hoverchair. She has no control of where the bullet shoots out of her spoongun, and constantly has to pray the bullet won't ricochet back and shoot herself. Of all the Roughhouse Pals, she has the least amount of known backstory. * '''Crate and Barrel: '''They are two henchmen of the Roughhouse Pals, and are similar to Biggs and Wedge from the ''Final Fantasy series. Other NPCs * '''Krust: Krust is an NPC and Krys's grandfather who gave Krys his station wagon (the Krustmobile) when he got a better one. He is an alcoholic, and speaks to Krys in vaguely foreshadowing riddles (likely due to his alcoholism). He had his own series of adventures, known as the Legacy of Krust, which were far superior games. His car has a large banner displaying "FIGHT ME" trailing from the end, but Krys isn't allowed to remove it, which doubles his encounter rate. * Krystine: Krys's mother. Unlike other mothers from JRPG's, Krystine is very protective of her son, and constantly pops up out of bushes to try and dissuade Krys from continuing in his adventures. She doesn't like it that Krys took the dog on his quest. She also has tall hair of an unknown color, though hers is put back into a ponytail. * Airold Ship: Another of Krys's old friends, Airold is an NPC who acts as the party's mode of transportation in the late game. He suffers from some disease which has hideously disfigured him and forced him to continue to grow, so he began crawling inside of structures like a hermit crab, eventually growing large enough to inhabit an entire airship. Legends state that one day he will crawl into the Earth's core and wear the entire planet like a shell as he strides across the cosmos. * Big Jeff the Welshman: He wields the legendary sword Garble Blargle, the Toe of the World, made of Sma'r'f-el, the toe of the Great Winged Drake (by some reports, the Toe is given the same name as the Great Winged Drake). * Other characters that are introduced are the Pants Smith, who does exactly what he says; several completely competent villagers who actually don't need Krys's help at all; an old king; and the king's trusted (for some reason) advisor Draconius Sinister, who might possibly be related to the accountant Daveius. There are also various Jeffs and a couple Geoffs (the developers ran out of names very fast). Summons * Baha-mutt: Krys's loving dog Chapman, a mixed corgi that Krys duct taped cardboard wings, knives, ribbons and a lighter onto; and summons him into battle to fight. He doesn't actually need MP to be summoned, but Krys throws away 50 mana every time so people take it seriously. Krystine adopted him when Krys was 10. Krys will be devastated if he dies in the game. * Tym: A friend of Krys that can be summoned into battle. He's just a normal guy with balding hair and a full beard that wants to put some sense into Krys. Apparently, he tells Krystine what's going on with her son but by the end of the game he loses track of him for some time and she flips out. Krys also duct taped some silverware onto him. He parks his Honda Civic a block away so it's not obvious he wasn't magically summoned. He works at a Walmart, and is incredibly annoyed with Krys. * Cyber-'Jesus:' Some sort of a Robotic Battle Jesus that can be summoned from across universes. He is the most powerful summon in the game but every time you summon him it plays an unskippable 1 hour and a half full HD CGI cutscene*. His attack is called "Sunday School", and he gives everyone a sermon. He has a bread sword and his other hand is fish shaped cannon, as well as several robot wings. He flips a cosmic table onto the foes. Krys summons him by saying that the enemy is a corrupt temple worker who taxes people. *CAUTION: This cutscene WILL destroy your computer if you don't have the proper settings! Races Thus far, three different races have been confirmed to exist. * Fuh'Kir (pronounced /ˈfʌk ər/): The mascot race of The Legends of Krys, they appear almost rabbit-like, but with buff human legs and velociraptor talons. They have no actual hands-- the things that look like hands on their face are growths meant to resemble hands. They make the player very uncomfortable. They use "fuh'kir" as an idiom at the end of every sentence as well. The Fuh'Kirs are not an outwardly aggressive people and live an agrarian lifestyle, but they are hyper-violent and defend their homes with unmatched ferocity, so they are given a wide berth. Once, an Extinction came to their village. Once. They reproduce through traumatic insemination like bedbugs. Their queen is named "The Mother Fuh'Kir". Despite the name, the intention is you DON'T want to fuck them. * Whalemyn: An all female race, they have the torso of an attractive human woman, but their head is an actual whale. Not a whale's head, mind you; an actual, full whale, with teeth, large buggy eyes, and high heels for feet, such as whales have. They speak through unattractive groans and whale cries. Their attacks consist mostly of throwing around their massive weight, and falling over on people like a professional wrestler. The tail on their head also has cat ears on the end. Still, oddly sexy. Once every hundred years, a male whalemyn (or a malemyn) is born, and nothing bad happens, the others mostly just make fun of him. * Alves: Literally just the race of aliens from the TV show Alf. They hunt giant, sabertooth cats, and they live in a giant basement. They are still very elven and regal, but have the odd habit of taking the beginnings of some words and changing the first letter to the sound 'sch.' Therefore, 'food' becomes 'schfood', and 'mashed potatoes' becomes 'schmashed schmoshmatoes.' They are also oddly inconsistent about when they use this odd linguistic idiosyncrasy, and often catch themselves leaving it off, and hastily correcting themselves in schpeech. At some point, their princess falls in love with Krys, though Krys does not schreciprocate these feelings, much to the ire of their Schking. Their natural enemy is the mighty Heathcliff-- led by the fearsome and confusing Garbage Ape. * Orcs: While not outright confirmed, Orcs have been mentioned as a default enemy on several occasions. They constantly become annoyed with Krys' antics just as much as the heroes do. Please note that other than those, there still are many other confusing non-human characters such as Fly Butler and Tigerman, but so far only these three have been etched into the walls of the canon as proper races. That is a very important distinction that must be noted. Also, the Welsh are also there. Weapons * Lumpy Sword: Krys' default sword. It is a comically large sword that seems too lumpy and soft to be able to actually cut. It has two handles. One of the handles resembles an umbrella handle (which Krys can use to hide the weapon). The blade has various square-shaped divets cut out of the side, and re-welded in other parts of the sword, causing many strange, rectangular points to jut from it. It also has one small bird wing on the back edge which turns into an airship in the late game (allegedly). * Sord and Sheld: a simple, gladius-style sword and kiteshield that can be sold for 50 silver pieces, though doing so plucks those emotional heartstrings which signify the definitive end of the early game. Nobody in the game can wield them, so they're essentially useless, despite having really solid stats. * Garble Blargle: '''Legendary blade of Big Jeff the Welshman, made from The Great Toe, aka The Toe of the World, aka The Toe of the Great Winged Drake Sma'r'f-el. It stinks to high hell, and is covered in Cheeto dust, allowing it to deal poison as well as piercing and bludgeoning damage. There is a hidden option when wielding Garble Blargle to lick the toe. Doing so deals some damage to the licker, but grants them a greater poison resistance. Why would you want to lick it, though? * '''The Bludgeon of Capitalism: (also known as "The Staff Of Ka'ching") It is a garishly ornate staff, featuring a dollar sign atop it, with several moneybags strapped to it, and several coins floating around it. It doubles as a golf club covered in the blood of the working man. It also has wings, but has jet wings rather than angel wings. To wield it, you make someone else in the party carry it for you. It allows you to contract monsters (not summon, mind you). Wielding it allows one character to become fabulously wealthy, while the others take a massive pay cut and have their bathroom time monitored. Once equipped, if a party member requires medical attention for any reason, the character holding the staff will not let them. It speaks into your ear while you sleep, and may be cursed. You use it to bludgeon peasants as you walk through town, and will probably incite a proletariat uprising. It costs $10000 in real world money, and paying for it is the only way you can actually get it. Equipping it allows the game to play itself for you. * The Hornet's Nest: It's a bees' nest on a stick, with a wasps' nest on the other end. You hold it by shoving your hand into the wasps' nest. It deals psychological damage to enemies. Because it is covered in sticky honey, it can pick up new weapons. However, it is very fragile, and the bees producing the honey must be monitored individually and healed-- and there are thousands of them. This weapon is restricted to the Bees Master class. * Busted Sword: Krys' ultimate weapon, it resembles the Buster Sword from Final Fantasy VII. However, the quest to attain it was improperly coded, and using it can create a series of glitches as the sword slowly deteriorates, a la Missingno from Pokemon Red & Blue. Textures will pop in and out, pixels will shift, character dialogues will switch, stats will be messed up, and items will flicker in and out of existence, to name a few. The only way to make it stop is to get rid of the sword. However, the option to drop it has the possibility of glitching, so instead of dropping it the item might end up being duplicated instead. Allegedly, the sword is also a conduit for the developers who perished while making the game, and using this item can actually haunt you in real life. You may even see those ghosts in your dreams. * Mystery Lumpy Sword Variant: In early concept art of the Krustmobile, a sword partly resembling the Lumpy Sword is seen in the trunk of the car. It seems to have a dish hovering in the base of the blade, which presumably spins. The reason given for this sword is that it is what whatever sword Krys has when he first gets the Krustmobile, but really it's because Jacob forgot what the Lumpy Sword looked like. The regular Lumpy Sword was featured in a later version of the Krustmobile art, so whether or not this sword actually appears in the game is unknown. Spells The games magic system is incomplete, and only certain spells names have been revealed, with few of them having defined effects. * Blizzard - freezes Enemies * Magma Storm - possibly does low damage, known by Extinctions. * Meteo - apparently does high damage, known by Skitterbugs. * Insight - recites ancient wisdom to annoy party members, known by users of the Philosopher class. Trivia * As said in Episode 8 the game apparently has a very good RPG ending in contrast to how terrible everything else was. We'll probably never know the details for sure. * The series is called "Legends of Kris" after the world, but the first game is called "The Legend of Krys" after the character named after the world. * IGN gave the game a 1.7/10, stating that the game "isn't a game, it's just a series of YouTube videos." In another review, IGN also gave the game a 1/10-- the reason being solely because of Fly Butler. A third review gave the game a 4.5/5, stating that it was "like the Tetris effect, but fuuuuuucked." That review was written by the Busted Sword, unbeknownst to the site that the review appeared upon. * The game did not actually offer controller support until the "Game of the Year" Edition. Before then, one would have to rig up individual diodes to play. * Final Fantasy VII canonically exists in the universe. No other games in the series do, however. * Jacob and Julia perform the soundtrack, completely acapella. The only exception being Skitterbug’s score, which is done with a full orchestra and Gregorian chanting. The continue screen also includes a cover of the Final Fantasy prelude, played on a very * The elements of the game include: Anime, Dinosaurs, Cereal, and Gun. Other elements are said to be slightly off from normal elements, like Magma instead of Fire. * The game over menu says "no" and "no", but both options continue the game, and it takes an eternity to load. During loading screens, there is a jpeg of Fly Butler who continues to shout words of 'encouragement' very annoyingly. * Krys is actually too stupid to understand Bunbie’s telepathic communication, and thus is completely unaware of the unsettling things Bunbee mind-shouts into the rest of the party’s minds. * One of the stats is umami. It's not clear what the stat effects, but it apparently makes the Skitterbug fights much easier. Category:JRPG